How To Piss People Off

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200% extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”
3. Blow your nose and fart at the dinner table.
4. T w e e t  l i k e t h i s o n T w i t t e r s o t h a t i t ‘ s h a r d t o r e a d .
5. When kids are watching cartoons in the doctor’s office, change the channel.
6. “Accidentally” track mud onto your friend’s light-colored carpet.
7. Staple papers on the right side instead of the left.
8. Go to Wendys and order a Quarter Pounder with Cheese happy meal.
9. Interrupt people when they’re talking to you. Do this frequently.
10. Ask a fat woman if she’s pregnant. Be sure to look real serious and interested.
11. Type in all caps in forums and blogs… and on Twitter. People love this.
12. When they say, “Mind if I smoke?”, say, “Mind if I fart?”
13. Make important appointments for September 31st.
14. Wear cheap cologne. Be sure to put LOTS on.
15. Be “in conference” all the time
16. Pee in the swimming people and tell everyone it feels warm where you’re standing.
17. Be sure your hand is totally limp when you shake hands with someone else.
18. Walk within 6 inches of the person in front of you.
19. Continually flirt with your best friend’s girlfriend.
20. Keep telling jokes over and over that aren’t funny.
21. Tell your teenagers that you walked 10 miles to school everday in the snow.
22. Run your fingernails down a blackboard. When they ask you to stop, keep doing it.
23. Tell the worst joke you can think of and then explain the punchline.
24. Go into an expensive model home and put a fake dog turd on the carpet.
25. Keep your brights on the whole time even with cars coming at you.
26. Continuously click your pen while someone’s trying to talk to you.
27. Walk up to someone, slap them in the face and then take off running.

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